Tuesday, May 17, 2011

one year...

so i really can't believe it's almost been a Whole year. if you took me back to that girl i was last year, i doubt she'd even recognize me anymore. sooo much has changed...it's truly unreal. i know that i have changed so much....some good, some not so good....and i know my life has done like a complete 360. but that's okay. i have realized a Lot in the past year. i've realized that no matter how much i thought i couldn't possible wake up and face another day, all those hard days, just made me a little bit stronger. i've realized no matter how weak i felt, no matter how much i felt like a huge failure at times, i'm still standing here today, and still a child of God. that's definitely the most important thing to me.
i've realized that i am Not perfect. not that i have ever even come close to thinking that. because uh, trust me, i haven't lol. but the past year definitely has shown me things i'm not proud of about myself. like how completely i did fall apart, and the people i took it out on. and i've realized how truly completely blessed i am to have a few people who did stick around and support me when i thought everything was falling apart.
i've realized that even if i cry every single time i see you, my life is living proof that things Will get better, or i wouldn't still be here today. i've also realized i don't believe you ever tried to hurt me...we all make mistakes, and my own can be prettyyy stupid sometimes. you just have to pick up, learn from them, and move on.
i've realized that reaching out to people you have never made much of an effort with before, can sometimes lead to some pretty amazing friendships.
i've realized who my true friends are, who will be there for me and stand up for me, who is gonna accept my faults and love me just the same....and who is not.
i've realized i should NEVER regret treating someone good....and only regret becoming petty enough to treat someone bad. because people might need someone just as much as you do. and maybe you can help each other if you give each other a chance.
i've realized that i am, and will always be, just a work in progress. all i can do is try my very best every day, and continue to realize i will never be perfect.
has this past year been the most crazy, unbelievably hard year of my life? probably so. but i doubt i have ever grown so much. it's kinda made me realize i can stand on my own two feet. and that truly truly, God will never abandon me.
i can't even begin to express how thankful i am for the people i do still have in my life. i love you guys so much. it seems like every time things start changing, and me and someone start drifting apart, the Lord sends me new people to fill my life (: i'm verryyy thankful some people gave me a chance this past year. and a 2nd. and a 3rd (: sometimes i do wonder why some of you have. but i sure am glad you did (:
above all, i have realized this past year that i can make it. i just gotta take it one day at a time. and one day i'll wake up and it'll be 50 years later. and i won't even care about all the little stuff that seems so big right now. just gotta hold on to that (:
lots of love,

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